Somasynthesis is a solo journaling roleplay game
created by AceEmpress on

(The following is just me playing the game.
More entries to come as motivation strikes.)

Some Content Warnings:
metaphors for transphobia, gender dysphoria,
body horror, potential religious trauma

That first night

That first night

Dear Diary,

Everybody knows about angels. It doesn't really matter how old you are. It's so baked into who we are as a society now. I've seen kids drawing what they think their yet-to-be manifested angels might look like. They made us do that for an assignment once in grade school.

Whenever my parents (or worse, my teachers) talked to me about manifestation, it was all full of scripted phrases like "It happens for everyone," and "Be not afraid, child."

The thing is, nobody ever asked if I even wanted an angel to begin with.

I just...

I don't see myself when I look in the mirror anymore. It's like I've become an intruder in my own body.

Does that make me crazy? I know it's supposed to be like this but it feels so wrong, this seed of light buried behind my eyes. I swear I can see it when I look real close.

The worst part is I think only I've noticed it. Everyone else is so happy for me, telling me I'm blooming into a handsome young man. I should be happy. I want to be happy. Why aren't I happy?

Did my hair always reflect so golden?